Resilience is not just about bouncing back. It’s about adapting, growing, and learning in the face of adversity. To become truly resilient, there are certain behaviors you need to let go.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and an avid explorer of mindfulness and Buddhism. In my journey, I’ve discovered that resilience is key to living a fulfilled life. And sometimes, it requires saying goodbye to some ingrained patterns of behavior.
If you’re ready to build your resilience and embrace a more mindful life, here are 10 behaviors you might want to reconsider.
Let’s dive in.
1) Living in the past
We all have memories, experiences, and regrets that linger in the back of our minds. However, becoming too attached to the past can hinder our growth and resilience in the present.
As a mindfulness practitioner, I’ve learned that resilience isn’t about ignoring our past, but rather learning from it and then letting it go.
Reliving past mistakes or dwelling on old victories can trap us in a cycle of stagnation. It becomes difficult to adapt to new challenges or grow as individuals when we’re constantly looking backwards.
Being resilient means acknowledging your past but focusing on the present moment. Remember, it’s the only reality we truly have control over.
2) Avoiding uncomfortable feelings
Life is full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. It’s easy to welcome the good times, but what about the discomfort, the pain, and the struggles?
As someone who’s been exploring mindfulness and Buddhism for a while now, I’ve learned that avoiding these uncomfortable feelings only increases our suffering.
The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “No mud, no lotus.” This means that without experiencing and embracing our discomfort and pain, we can’t grow or become resilient.
Resilience isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about embracing it, learning from it, and using it as a stepping stone to become stronger. So instead of running away from uncomfortable feelings, face them head-on. You’ll be surprised at how much you can grow from these experiences.
3) Letting ego overpower mindfulness
In our journey towards resilience, one of the biggest hurdles we often face is our own ego. It blinds us to our weaknesses and prevents us from learning and growing.
I’ve struggled with this myself, which was a motivating factor in writing my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. Through exploring the teachings of Buddhism, I learned that letting go of ego and embracing humility is key to resilience.
Our ego can drive us to avoid failure at all costs. But in reality, failure is often the best teacher. It forces us to confront our weaknesses and learn from them, making us more resilient in the long run.
If you’re finding it hard to let go of your ego, I encourage you to check out my book. It might just give you the tools you need to live a more mindful, resilient life.
4) Neglecting self-care
Let’s be clear: resilience doesn’t mean running yourself into the ground. It’s not about pushing through pain and exhaustion until you break. The truth is, you can’t be resilient if you’re not taking care of yourself.
As the famous quote from Buddha goes, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days (though those can be nice too!). It’s about ensuring you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthily, exercising regularly, and taking time to relax and unwind.
Ignoring your physical and mental well-being in the name of resilience is counterproductive.
5) Ignoring your core values
Your core values are the compass that guide your actions and decisions. If you don’t understand what truly matters to you, it’s easy to get lost and struggle to bounce back when life knocks you down.
I faced this challenge myself. There was a time when I felt adrift, uncertain of what I truly wanted in life. But understanding my core values helped me to regain my footing and build resilience.
If you’re feeling a bit lost or unsure of your core values, you’re not alone. It’s a common struggle, but one that can be overcome with some introspection and guidance.
I recommend checking out the Defining Your Values Exercise by Life Transition coach Jeanette Brown. It’s a practical exercise that can help you gain clarity on your beliefs and values, which is crucial in building resilience.
Understanding yourself is the first step towards resilience. So take some time to reflect on your core values. It might just be the turning point you need.
6) Being overly self-critical
We are often our own worst critics. While it’s important to recognize our faults and learn from our mistakes, being overly harsh on ourselves can sabotage our resilience.
Think about it. If you’re constantly beating yourself up over every little mistake, you’re likely to feel defeated and disheartened, which isn’t conducive to resilience.
Instead, try practicing self-compassion. Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, but also forgive yourself. This allows you to move forward with a more positive attitude.
A practical step you can take is to start a daily gratitude journal. Each day, write down three things you did well or are proud of. This simple practice can help shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation, boosting your resilience in the process.
7) Neglecting to live in the present
Our minds have a tendency to wander to the past or the future, often causing unnecessary stress and anxiety. As someone who’s practiced mindfulness for years, I can tell you that learning to live in the present moment is crucial for building resilience.
Resilience is about facing life’s challenges head-on, and you can’t do that if your mind is elsewhere. Mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present, allowing you to fully engage with your current situation.
Start with small steps, like taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breathing or becoming more aware of your surroundings. It might seem simple, but these mindful moments can significantly enhance your resilience.
8) Fear of change
Change is a natural part of life, but it can be scary. It’s easy to cling to the familiar and resist the new. However, fear of change can keep us stuck in place, hindering our growth and resilience.
As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus wisely said, “The only constant in life is change.” Understanding and accepting this truth is a significant step towards resilience.
Instead of fearing change, embrace it. View it as an opportunity for growth and learning. Each change in life brings with it new experiences and lessons that can make us stronger and more resilient.
When you’re faced with change, take a deep breath and dive in. You might be surprised at how well you can swim.
9) Over-reliance on self-sufficiency
We often equate resilience with independence, believing that we must face our struggles alone to be truly resilient. I used to think this way too. But over time, I’ve realized that this notion is not only incorrect, but it can also be harmful.
It’s true that resilience involves personal strength and the ability to bounce back from setbacks. But it also involves knowing when to ask for help.
You see, we’re social creatures by nature. We thrive on connection and support from others. Sometimes, the most resilient thing we can do is lean on our loved ones or seek professional guidance.
Don’t see seeking help as a weakness. It’s a strength that reveals your understanding of your limitations and your willingness to do what’s best for your well-being.
10) Neglecting to set boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental health and resilience. Without clear boundaries, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by other people’s demands or expectations.
Saying “no” can be difficult, especially if you’re worried about disappointing others. But remember, your well-being should be your top priority.
Start by identifying situations where you feel drained or taken advantage of. Then, communicate your limits clearly and assertively. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, setting boundaries can become a natural part of your interactions.
Remember, it’s not just about saying “no” to others. It’s about saying “yes” to yourself and your resilience.
Conclusion
Resilience isn’t built overnight. It’s a journey, one that involves understanding ourselves, embracing change, and letting go of behaviors that no longer serve us.
It’s okay to seek help and lean on others. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize self-care. And it’s definitely okay to let go of the past and live in the present.
As you embark on this journey, I encourage you to revisit Jeanette Brown’s Defining Your Values Exercise. It’s a practical tool that can guide you in understanding your core values, an essential step in building resilience.
In the end, resilience is about becoming the best version of ourselves. And we all have that strength within us. All we need to do is tap into it.
