Respect is a two-way street. To earn it, you must be ready to give it. But more than that, you must also strive to embody it in your actions.
As Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a devout follower of mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of self-awareness and growth in this journey.
If you truly desire to be respected in life, you need to let go of certain behaviors. This isn’t about pretending or putting on a show for others; it’s about genuine transformation and personal growth.
In this article, I’ll share with you 10 behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want to garner real respect. And remember, this isn’t about being perfect; it’s about engaging with life authentically and respectably.
Let’s dive in.
1) Being judgmental
In the realm of respect, few traits are as destructive as being judgmental.
Picture this: you’re in a conversation, and instead of engaging, you’re busy forming opinions, passing judgments. It’s a barrier, a wall you unknowingly put up between you and the other person.
As a follower of mindfulness, I’ve learned the value of listening – truly listening. It’s about being present, accepting the other person’s perspective without the need to immediately label or judge it.
In the Buddhist teachings, it’s often said that judgment comes from a place of ego. By letting go of these judgments, we open ourselves up to understanding and connection – two key pillars of respect.
So, if you want to be truly respected, try to observe your judgments without acting on them. It might be challenging at first, but with practice, it becomes easier. And trust me, it’s a game-changer for building respect.
Remember: to earn respect, we must first extend it to others. And that starts with letting go of judgments and embracing understanding instead.
2) Negative self-talk
We all have that little voice inside our heads, the one that whispers doubts and insecurities. It’s a common part of the human experience, but it’s also one of the behaviors we need to say goodbye to if we want to be truly respected.
In my personal journey through mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve realized how much this internal dialogue shapes our interactions with others. After all, how can we expect respect from others when we constantly disrespect ourselves in our minds?
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once wisely said, “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
This quote profoundly resonates with me. Accepting ourselves, flaws and all, is the first step towards fostering a positive internal dialogue.
The next time you catch yourself in a cycle of negative self-talk, pause and take a moment to reflect. Replace those harsh words with kindness and understanding. It’s a small step, but it can make a world of difference in how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you.
Respect starts from within. If you want to be truly respected in life, it’s time to say goodbye to negative self-talk.
3) Living on autopilot
It’s easy to fall into routine and live life on autopilot. We wake up, go to work, come home, and repeat. But when we’re caught in this cycle, we often miss the chance to fully experience life and connect with others.
From my personal journey, I’ve found that mindfulness is an excellent tool for breaking free from this cycle. It’s all about being present in each moment, appreciating the little things, and truly engaging with the world around us.
In my book, , I delve deeper into this concept and offer practical advice on how to live more mindfully.
By stepping out of autopilot mode and into the present moment, we not only enrich our lives but also earn the respect of those around us. People appreciate authenticity and engagement – two qualities that are hard to embody when we’re living life on autopilot.
4) Ignoring boundaries
Respect and boundaries go hand in hand. Whether it’s in personal relationships or professional settings, respecting other’s boundaries is a crucial part of earning their respect in return.
However, understanding and respecting boundaries is not always easy. It requires empathy, understanding, and self-awareness.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This quote serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of setting and respecting personal boundaries.
In practical terms, this means recognizing other people’s comfort zones – both emotional and physical. It means acknowledging their personal space and not forcing your opinions or actions onto them.
Similarly, it means setting your own boundaries and communicating them clearly to others.
5) Not living in line with your values
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned on my personal journey is the importance of understanding my core values and living in alignment with them.
Our values shape who we are. They guide our decisions, our actions, and how we interact with others. When we live in harmony with our values, it shines through, earning us the respect of those around us.
However, understanding our values isn’t always straightforward. It requires introspection and self-awareness. To help you on this journey, I’d like to recommend an exercise by renowned Life Transition coach Jeanette Brown: Defining Your Values Exercise.
This exercise provides a practical way to explore your core values and understand what truly matters to you.
By understanding your values and making an effort to live by them, you not only cultivate self-respect but also earn the respect of others.
Authenticity is a trait that commands respect. Be true to yourself, live by your values, and respect will follow.
6) Lack of empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a fundamental building block of respect.
Imagine trying to earn respect without considering others’ perspectives or emotions. It’s nearly impossible.
On a practical level, cultivating empathy involves being present during conversations and truly listening to what others are saying. It means putting yourself in their shoes and responding with understanding, even if you don’t necessarily agree.
If you want to be truly respected in life, make an effort to practice empathy in your daily interactions. It’s a simple yet powerful means of earning genuine respect.
7) Impulsivity
We’ve all had those moments where we act impulsively, without thinking things through. While it’s a part of being human, unchecked impulsivity can hinder our journey towards earning respect.
Mindfulness has been a game-changer for me in this regard. It has taught me the art of pausing before reacting, allowing space for thoughtful responses rather than impulsive reactions.
By practicing mindfulness, we learn to observe our thoughts and feelings without getting swept away by them. This gives us the chance to respond to situations with intention and clarity, rather than on impulse.
By becoming more mindful, we can replace impulsive reactions with thoughtful responses, earning us the respect of those around us.
8) Not taking responsibility
One of the quickest ways to lose respect is by avoiding responsibility, especially when things go wrong. People appreciate those who can own up to their mistakes, learn from them, and move forward.
John F. Kennedy once said, “Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.”
This quote perfectly encapsulates the essence of taking responsibility. It’s not about finding someone else to blame, but about acknowledging our role and taking steps to make things right.
9) Constantly seeking approval
Here’s a counterintuitive thought: the more you seek approval from others, the less respect you’re likely to receive.
Throughout my life, I’ve found that respect isn’t about winning a popularity contest or pleasing everyone around you. It’s about staying true to yourself, even when it’s not the most popular thing to do.
The constant need for approval can turn us into people pleasers, often at the expense of our own values and self-esteem. It’s a cycle that’s not only detrimental to our self-respect but also undermines the respect others have for us.
If you’re aiming to be truly respected in life, let go of the constant need for approval. Stand by your convictions, and don’t be afraid to swim against the tide when necessary. By doing so, you’ll earn the respect of those who value authenticity and integrity.
10) Neglecting self-care
Respect starts with self-respect, and a crucial part of self-respect is taking care of yourself.
This means making time for rest, eating healthy, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities you enjoy. It also means setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ when you need to.
Practically, it could be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to meditate, going for a walk in nature, or even just ensuring you get enough sleep each night.
When you take care of yourself, it shows. You radiate positivity and confidence, qualities that naturally draw respect from others.
Conclusion
Earning respect is about more than just our interactions with others – it starts with how we treat ourselves.
By saying goodbye to these ten behaviors and embracing the alternatives, you set yourself on a path towards not only earning respect but also living a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about striving to be better each day.
And don’t forget, identifying and living by your values is a significant step in this journey. If you haven’t yet, I highly recommend checking out Jeanette Brown’s Defining Your Values Exercise.
With self-awareness, growth, and a lot of patience, you’ll find yourself earning the respect you desire. Good luck on your journey.
